


Hurt Before , Hurt Again

by AleXandra Danielle Paris (Fictionness)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 12:43:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17508857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictionness/pseuds/AleXandra%20Danielle%20Paris
Summary: Tom is thought dead and has come back but now he has to deal with the problems that have occurred, via his disappearance.





	Hurt Before , Hurt Again

**Author's Note:**

> Information: Tom is an Ensign (yes 30 days occurs). Before Unimatrix Zero. Tom and B'Elanna are dating seriously, but not publicly. Things in are talking in Tom's head by another personality.
> 
> Set Around: Late Season Five early in Season six.
> 
> Rating: R due to Violence, adult concepts (as mentioned below). I rather be kiddy safe and over rate. Rather than have people e-mailing me about not enough warnings. (You have two at least.)
> 
> Warning: This Story may contain scenes or hints at rape, incest and other forms of abuse. It will contain a scene that involves a suicide using holographic images of the other crew, and them abusing (verbally) the suicide victim.
> 
> Tom Anguish ahead. Umm maybe that was a spoiler for the story.
> 
> Okay the reason I'm giving this warning this early in the piece is cause of the way I work. I hand write my work, before typing it. Unlike some writers I sometimes write pieces for my enjoyment. This story is still a WIP I normally like to finish a piece completely before I posting as I know that it is finish, not like some of my pieces that still haven't been finished after ten years (that being original stories and some x-files from seven years ago). But this piece was crying to be put out there. Also normally I don't put the little poem/words at a start of story, but the lines at the first chapter just got into my head one night and I had to write it as it came to me, just like the story that has evolved.
> 
> Disclaimer: Paramount owns Voyager and its characters. I've only borrowed the characters to satisfy my own creative urges.
> 
> Opinions: Are always welcome, the good, the bad and the ugly. I have them why shouldn't you be as vocal as I am. Your input helps to shape future stories. I'm back and watching so thought I would revive this (bwaaaaa haaaa 10 or more years later) and it was originally under the pen name Doctor Paris ;)
> 
> Important: If you want to put this story on your homepage please do so all I ask is that you e-mail me telling me so.

The Darkness blinded him.  
The Silence screamed at him.  
Inflicting more pain than any living thing could imagine.  
He was lost from home, he was lost from Voyager.

After eight days he hadn't made any headway in improving the delta flyer, he couldn't hail Voyager, let alone fly to them. He didn't even know what had happen, the how, the who, the why. He had eventually come up with the theory that a spatial anomaly had hit the delta-flyer hard and flung him far away from Voyager. He had lights and life support and enough rations for four people for about two weeks. More that enough to last him till Voyager found him, or so he had thought. A week or two after that he had reduced his intake of the rationed food to when he was hungry, but mostly to when he remembered to eat. Gradually he started talking to himself at first to help with the silence, what he wouldn't have given for the computer system let alone another person, even the Doctor, who would have been drilling him with medical facts. Now the other-self, had started feeling like part of him and somebody. Twenty-seven days ago he had decided to cut lights and moved all power from non-working systems to life support, Thomas' idea. It wasn't surprising that Thomas had become more active after all this time. All in all he had been on the shuttle for about seventy-four days, thanks to his drastic actions, minimum food, no power other than for recycling of air and waste and Thomas. Thomas who helps Tommy, sometimes, but mostly he likes to drag up bad stuff from the past.

"So Tommy. What memory should we re-live today? Janeway's punishment or her using you? Maybe B'Elanna or Caldek Prime. No Your Farther haven't had him for a while."

"Okay Thomas, let's see..." suddenly he was disappearing.

There were lights. He screamed. It hurt. Hurt more that the darkness. Suddenly he heard a voice, then a drop of the level of lighting, but he still shaded his eyes.

Doc didn't believe he had heard as pained a scream before. Suddenly he realized the man was Tom, whom they thought had died. He checked trying not to startle the man. Yes, it was Tom that was huddled in the back of the surgical bay trying to hide behind a bio-bed. He heard him whispering to himself. "It's okay Tommy, tell them nothing." Silence then, "yeah, can't be Voyager, they think I'm dead by now."

Tom grew quiet as he waited for the blackness. Suddenly there was a noise, then voices, more noise, this was a new day dream. He moved his hands slightly and then moved to view around the corner of the bio-bed.

Doc had realized to late that he had forgotten to put the privacy lock. He had been so caught up in thinking of a way to get to Tom and check him for medical problems. It seemed most of the senior staff were there, probably wanting to find out information on who had been on the delta-flyer. Tuvok must have been left in charge of the bridge and Seven was re-generating, at the time they had found the shuttle, otherwise she would have been here too. One of them must have ordered lights up as he had turned around to see what effect their presence had on Tom. He didn't have time to lower them before the screaming started again. Tom must have been talking regularly cause it was a good scream not a raspy rough version that would of existed if the vocal cords hadn't been used.

Tommy screamed, when the lights went on, Thomas had told him to shut-up don't let them see any weakness, but Tommy kept right on screaming till the lights went back down. After things went back to silence Tommy took a peek around the corner. His friends were there. He stared as they started talking.

Janeway took a glance at the Doctor, he seemed to be torn between going to the person that had caused the screaming, the person who seemed to be hiding. The Doctor glanced at the person, then turned to the group. "So what is the matter Doctor? What do they know about Tom and the Delta-Flyer?"

Doctor looked at them in shock they didn't realize who it was. It was at that moment that Tom snuck a peak at the group that B'Elanna notice who it was and saved him from answering as she let out a whispered "Tom". The group looked, it was indeed Tom. The Doctor put his hands up to stop the people that he knew would want to crowd the man. "No you don't. He needs to be checked and he's not up to visitors..." The Doctor was cut off by Tom. It seemed that B'Elanna and Harry had managed to get past him to ask Tom how he was.

They all stopped what they were doing as Tom started laughing. "Very Funny Thomas. First the lights" He got up with a newfound sureness. "Now the crew of Voyager. This is very cruel, I thought we agreed that it was Admiral Owen Paris's turn to nit-pick my life. We had Voyager...Let's see...Yesterday. I think. Besides this one gives me false hope that I can't live with or destroys any hope that I have that they will remember me fondly and me them. Why can't you just let me be, they think I'm dead, left good old Tommy on the Delta-Flyer, probably glad to get rid of me. I may as well be dead, then who will you pick on."

"You didn't. Then who? Aliens?"

"Okay. If you promise to behave yourself."

The others were shocked by what they had heard. After a little while Tom then walked up to the Doctor and touched him, he seamed real enough. "Computer de-activate the EMH." The Doctor disappeared with a twinkle. "Computer re-activate EMH."

The Doctor realized what going on. "Tom, you are on Voyager. The Captain and the other senior crew are going into the office and I want to check you, to see how you are. Is that okay?" Tom looked at the doctor as if wondering whether or not to agree. In the end he nodded his head. He then told the others to go to his office and that he would be with them in a minute.

Tom watched the Doctor carefully, as he went about with his tests. After a while, he got scared, could he really be back on Voyager or had he died or was this just his last ditch attempt to destroy himself via false hope or that they would hurt him? He didn't know which was worse anymore, maybe if they were aliens it would be better. If this was the real Voyager, how was he going to cope with all the thoughts that had plagued him on the delta-flyer. If he was dead, he had died without feeling that he had put to rest all the demons that existed in his life. No, the aliens were looking better, at least he would have something there and they couldn't realize that the darkness and silence he had just endured was the ultimate torture for him, just a matter of adjusting to the lights and the new sensation of pain, of torture.

B'Elanna watched as the Doctor did his tests, she could see the miry of emotions playing on his face. She couldn't believe it was Tom. He looked so thin, so fragile, yet so wild. She wondered what the effect of nearly five months alone would have on him. She couldn't lie to herself today, there were going to be problems for him and for his friends. But where would she fit in now, friend or lover? What did he feel for her now? How could she tell him of the changes that had occurred on Voyager? How could she fix them?

Harry couldn't believe it had only been a month ago that people had finally come to realize Tom was gone. Okay maybe just him, B'Elanna had moved on before him, she had moved on almost two months ago. They had all thought Tom was dead, they even found fragments of the Flyer after the Anomaly had left. The only conclusion that they could come up with was that the flyer had been destroyed and that Tom was dead. They had searched for him, only cause they had false hope that the evidence was wrong. A month later they had declared him dead. That was one of the hardest things to do, so many people were hurt by his death, more than Tom would ever know. Being such a social person, Tom would talk to people and try to improve their day. Tom had made a lasting impact after people got over his past and looked at the person Tom was. A shiver ran up and down his spine. He was still thinking like Tom was dead. Mostly cause of how Tom was going to deal with life now?

Janeway couldn't stand the silence anymore. "I wonder what he's been up to?" It hurt her that her friend, one she had been forced to declare dead was just outside there - in pain - and there was nothing they could do at the moment. She hoped the conversation would distract her from thoughts that played at her mind, from the pain he was going to suffer.

"He doesn't look too good." Chakotay said, knowing why the question was asked. He wanted the distraction, so he wouldn't have to think about the past or the future himself. "I hope that the Doctor can help him." He was actually surprised at how hard the Hologram had taken the death of the Pilot. When he had asked him, the doctor had told him that he had thought of Tom as a friend and that he was saddened by the fact that he hadn't gotten to tell him. He had liked the fact that Tom had called him Doc and the fact that he had made his life interesting. Just like Kes had been a friend that had helped him, Tom had done the same, only differently. Tom had helped him become more human, forcing him to deal with the death of his daughter and given him tips on dating. From the looks in the other room Tom was talking to the Doctor. He hadn't had a chance to think of how Tom's death had affected him. What was he going to do now?

Tom looked at the glass. They were looking at him. He had the feeling they didn't know what to think as much as he himself didn't know. The Doctor had talked to him and he was starting to realize this was the real Voyager. But something was wrong. The Doctor was acting strange, usually he would be making some sly comment or something that would cause some banter. What was wrong? Was he really on Voyager? Was it his Voyager?

The Doctor told Tom to lie down, that he was going to talk to the others. As he walked through the door and closed it again - a rare occurrence - he liked it open to allow him the freedom, that he felt his program denied him at times. He looked at the people in the room. B'Elanna sitting in the chair in front of him, Chakotay in the seat besides her. Harry in the back corner and the Captain near the edge of the door looking at Tom. "He's malnourished, dehydrated and suffering from a lack of sleep. But the main things that worry me are the light depravation and the social isolation that he suffered. From what I can ascertain he thinks he's been lost for about two and half months rather than the five he's been gone. This fact could have something to do with the anomaly and could explain why he's not in a worse state physically or it could just be lost track of time or he could have been with some alien race for whatever reason. He's going to need serious counselling, from what I heard when he first came in and the disjointed conversation about Voyager not being real, he may have developed another personality to give him the company he needed. It's to be expected from anybody, but more so in Mr. Paris's case since he is more a social creature than he likes people to think. Also it seems this other personality was in the habit of bringing up things from the past." He knew the others knew what he was hinting at. "Given what's happened here it maybe best if Tuvok was the one to help along with me. I also think that he should have minimal contact with people. At the start only me and Tuvok and then probably one person at a time till he adjusts to be back here."

"How long will you be keeping Tom in sickbay?" Janeway asked the Doctor.

"For a while. It would be best to keep him here where he can be under observation, and can be re-assured if he has a panic attack over the fact that he's on Voyager or doesn't think he's here. Besides it's not like he has quarters to go back to."

Everybody in the room could detect the hint of bitterness. Oddly enough he had been one of the last people to believe that Tom had died. They had put it down to the fact he hadn't seen a body, let alone the event. He had gone to the holodeck the day they had cleared out Tom's room, after B'Elanna and Harry had taken what they wanted as specified in Tom's will. The two friends had given the doctor Tom's medical tricorder, as a gift to remember his friend. From what he had heard from the gossip mill, a few other people had been given things that had belonged to Tom.

"It had to be done Doctor, I wasn't going to allow a museum in the memory of Tom to stay. We needed to move on. I'm sure he would agree." She knew he would on the outside, but inside it would kick him. That he had been right - Voyager had thought of him as dead.

"So Doc, how can we help Tom, if we stay away?" Harry asked trying to break up this fight by bringing it back to the man in question.

"Umm. To be honest I don't know. I would normally say that we should bring things that belonged to him. I think I just have to think about that question. But I'm sure you all can help once he's well enough to see people. He'll need his friends to help him through this."

Tom's mind still questioned whether this was his Voyager. Maybe this one had lost their Tom and thought of him as their one. B'Elanna didn't look right, she seemed fatter, maybe pregnant. No that couldn't be possible he had only been gone for two and half months. Maybe if he could tell if this was his home, he could sleep. Through half open eyes, he turned onto his side to look at the group. He gradually went to sleep.

After the others had finished talking and noticing that Tom was asleep the others went to see him. Janeway gently touch his hand noticing that he wasn't waking as B'Elanna gently moved some of his hair. It was a first time they had gotten a good look at him. He was much thinner than before and he was thin before he had went missing. His hair was long and he had a beared that made him look older, granted his gaunt features hadn't helped the look. Oddly it looked like part of his hair had greyed a bit. Harry supposed it was because of all the stress that his friend had suffered. The funny thing or was it a sad thing, was he would probably suffer more that he had returned. Harry was determined to help his friend. With the doctor getting ready to tell them to leave, they packed up and left Tom, each worrying for him and others that this news would affect.

**Author's Note:**

> "Does the phrase 'To Be Continued' mean anything to you?"  
> Doctor to Paris in Night


End file.
